Peer Pressure


Don’t go to school
Play with matches
Throw rocks at cars,
Throwing rocks is cool

People invented rocks to throw them

Why else would there be, so many rocks?

God created cars to throw rocks at

That’s why cars have windows, so throw some fucking rocks


Don’t go to school
Eat lots of candy
Don’t learn how to swim
Jump in a pool

Standing in the pool with your shirt on

Eating packets of sugar like a boss


Don’t go to school
Watch R rated movies
Talk to strangers
Strangers have candy

Eating candy with strangers in a pool

Watching snuff films in HD

Ain’t no Snuffleupagus here
He’s not cool, but you know what is?
The warm feeling in the pool when you pee

Author: Anon E Mouse

Online Dating

My friends said try online dating so I made an Etsy account

Haven’t met a girl but I’ve got an Etsy account

Buying handcrafted items like a motherfuckin baller
My cat’s newly woven kitten mittens,
pussy shot caller

Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, y’all don’t know shit
Made 68 bucks on Etsy sellin’ black and white dick pics

Vintage penis photography
Testicular autobiography
This is modern art, not a pornography

“Like oh my God I’ve never seen pixelated dog ears on a dickhead!”
I painted a realistic face on my dick
to Snapchat a Make a Wish kid in its sick bed

They call my dick Tinman because of his heart
Ran the yellow brick dick road from finish to start
Wrapped my dick in a FitBit to track my dick steps and motions
I should start online dating
Ran out of handcrafted Etsy lotion

Author: Anon E Mouse